Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Do you see what I see?

This weekend we went to church on Saturday night. We got there right on time but since it was so crowded we stayed in the "crying room". And let me just put it out there: I don't like that term. "Crying room." It's like an invitation for all kids to cry. My kids don't need permission.

And what's with all the adults who are without children in the crying room? I have a real problem with them taking up precious space. It's not like the crying room is that big to begin with. I generally think they go in there instead of the church because they are late and are embarassed to be late. But seriously? They're there! And that's what's important. I never feel bad if I get to church late. The way I see it, I made the conscious choice to go when I could have easily stayed home since I knew I was going to be late. I don't think that's a popular view, though.

Ok, so the crying room was pretty crowded but thankfully there were enough seats for all of us. Goodness knows, Caroline wants her own seat - even if she doesn't sit in it.

There was a man in front of us with his son and younger daughter. They were reading books together. Then the son got up and picked up a different book from the floor. The daughter immediately grabbed it from him. He was not happy. He wanted the book back. I don't blame him. He picked it up and she didn't even ask him for it. She ripped it out of his hand. The dad turned to him and told him to let her have it because she is little. Because she's little? Seriously? She was only about 2 years younger than him. Now to the dad's defense, he didn't see the whole thing. He just stuck up for the little sister. He didn't see the sister stick her tongue out at the brother when she got her way.

I do understand that as parents we all do the best we can. There is no way we can see everything. And I don't think I'd want to! But is there always one kid who's the scapegoat?

Here's my concern: Will this little sister grow up to be an entitled because she is learning she will always get her way? Will the brother grow up thinking he is not worthy of as much because he has to relinquish everything to his younger sister? Regardless of gender, what does that say about self worth and the importance of teaching sharing & using manners?

Side note: While all this was happening, Matt was in the hallway with Rebecca (who was ready for her late evening nap). Kate (who didn't nap this day) and Caroline were moving around like crazy and started "fighting" over who would stand where. Kate was staring down Caroline - which she knows drives her sister crazy. I grabbed Kate and moved her to a chair on the other side of me. But I wonder if what I saw was what other people saw...

1 comment:

  1. I do think that little girl will grow up to feel entitled, if they don't recognize the issues they are creating by trying to make it easier on themselves right now. I often worry about this myself, I definitely have one child (Jude) that is more difficult than the others and has been since birth, I can feel the temptation to just give him what he wants so as not to deal with the screaming that will come, but I also do I know I am aware of it, and making a conscious effort not to do it, so I hope that I am actually accomplishing it.

    As far as what we see, I think people on the outside definitely see something different than we do in our own families, their site is not clouded by all the little personality traits and the "oh he didn't nap to day", or "she just had shots" or "I haven't been spending enough one on one time with him"'s that probably guide our actions and vision most of the time.

    I guess as long as we really truly trying our best as often as possible, that's about all we can do...